Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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