ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
