Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
