I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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