i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
