My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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