Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
