hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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