So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
