Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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