i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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