Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
