you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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