I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
