So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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