I just cut my nipple shaving
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
