So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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