you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
