What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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