I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
