After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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