Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She bit a glass in half.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
whose parrot is this?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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