I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
