I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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