Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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