I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
