I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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