come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's blow job season.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
