I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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