I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
In America we eat man semen.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
