I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
