Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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