He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My pussy is not your playground.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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