Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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