cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
