Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
