You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
