The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
