So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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