You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
