you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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