you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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