I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
