he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
