Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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