$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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