she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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