My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
