I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
