Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
