I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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