I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
