i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She told me I should be a condom model.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
