When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
